The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by researchers
at the University of Fulchester. The element, tentatively named
Administratium, has no protons or electrons and thus has an atomic number of
0. However, it does have 1 neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons
and 111 assistant vice neutrons. This gives it an atomic mass of 312. These
312 particles are held together by a force that involves the continuous
exchange of meson-like particles called morons.
Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert. However, it can be
detected chemically as it impedes every reaction it comes in contact with.
According to the discoverers, a minute amount of Administratium caused one
reaction to take over four days to complete when it would have normally
occurred in less than one second. Administratium has a normal half-life of
approximately three years, at which time it does not actually decay but
instead undergoes a reorganisation in which assistant neutrons, vice
neutrons and assistant vice neutrons exchange places. Some studies have
shown that the atomic mass actually increases after each reorganisation.
Research at other laboratories indicates that Administratium occurs
naturally in the atmosphere. It tends to concentrate at certain points such
as government agencies, large corporations and universities and can usually
be found in the newest, best appointed and best maintained buildings.
Scientists point out that Administratium is known to be toxic at any level
of concentration and can easily destroy any productive reaction where it is
allowed to accumulate. Attempts are being made to determine how
Administratium can be controlled to prevent irreversible damage, but results
to date are not promising. | 
