Everything2 is a collection of user-submitted writings about more or less everything. Spend some time looking around and reading, or learn how to contribute.

Cream of the Cool

1. What is your name?

Stephen. Or wordnerd. Whichever you prefer, omnipresent, ghostly interviewer.

2. Tell us something about you, your background, and what you've been up to lately?

It's a very American thing to do, but when approached by questions like this, my impulse is to respond with my vocation (software engineer) rather than with an avocation (writer, creative mind, politics junkie, artiste). I've written a few books, all unpublished,…

OKAY, a couple things!

My mom's second batch of tests came in and she is much, much better than before. Her kidneys are not totally where they should be, but something went up a few points (which is good) and something else went down a few points (which is also good) and so now the doctor is going to have her come in in a week or so for another bunch of tests just to make sure everything is going okay. She will have to cut down on the soda and booze, so this is good news for…

This is an old joke, and it's subject to parallel evolutions. When it's passed down orally the characters, their backgrounds, and plot details remain interchangeable so long as the joke remains alive. This is merely one iteration, and its appearance in written form does not give it authority over any other iteration. But this is how I tell it.
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”Hi, I’m Phil Hartman, perhaps you may remember me from my portrayal of such well known celebrities such as Frank Sinatra, Barbara Bush, Charlton Heston, Phil Donahue and President Bill Clinton back in the days when I was working at Saturday Night Live. But there’s probably so much more you don’t know about me so I’m getting ready to tell you the story of my life.”

Believe it or not, I was born in that hotbed of comedy, Brantford,…