jclast's New Writeups

Let the cat out of the bag (idea)

2006-07-06T17:34:14Z

There's something you should know about Peter. He's not quite right, if you know what I mean. See, his mother is very busy because she works all day at the diner and all night at the local pub. Peter's dad is around all the time, but he talks a little funny and has trouble walking sometimes. He hits Peter because he doesn't do very well in school, but Peter knows that Daddy only hits him because he loves him and wants him to do better. The only thing in life that makes Peter happy is his cat, Mr. Whiskers. Peter's older brother, Matthew, is very smart. He makes straight As in school, and he's a decent baseball player, but it's not quite enough. See, Matthew gets bored very easily, and his imagination doesn't always lead him to the nicest places. Tormenting Peter is one of his favorite things to do, and one hot July day, that's just what he was doing.

MATTHEW: Guess what I've got in this garbage…

New Super Mario Bros. (thing)

2006-05-22T15:15:38Z

Game: New Super Mario Bros.
Platform: Nintendo DS
Developer: Nintendo
Publisher: Nintendo
Release Date: EU: 06/30/06, JP: 05/25/06, NA: 05/15/06
Genre: platformer
ESRB: E
Players: 1

Make sure the TV is on channel 3. Insert the cartridge. Remove and blow in cartridge. Repeat ad nauseum, and eventually you are greeted with a familiar tune while Mario and Luigi quest through a world of size-changing mushrooms locale-changine pipes, and a fire-breathing dragon.

The game is Super Mario Bros., and it debuted for the Nintendo Entertainment System in 1985. The video gaming world would never be the…

May 18, 2006 (person)

2006-05-18T17:09:26Z

Wow. I haven't noded anything since February. When last I bored you all to death with the ins and outs of my life, I was getting ready to move from San Jose, CA to Colorado Springs, CO. My wife and I made the move relatively unscathed; our savings account is a bit bruised, but applying for and taking out a mortgage will have that effect. I've figured out what a Satellite Systems Engineer (my new job) does. He sits through a bunch of training and occasionally gets to cobble together some code in C#. Eventually the courses will end, and my job will turn toward helping to launch and maintain a communcations satellite. Very cool, if a bit overwhelming at time.

On the home front, my wife and I have adopted a Pembroke Welsh Corgi puppy to go along with our two cats, Brutus and Cassius. Her name is Huxley, and we couldn't be happier with her. And in a strange turn of events, we made friends with the neighbors all…

Oil Slick (thing)

2006-02-28T05:16:39Z

Ah, the oil slick. The natural predator of both the cartoon and video game race car driver is so consumed by its desire to hunt racers that is able to transcend media boundaries and attack both animated and player-controlled racers.

None is immune to this deadly foe. When his fellow racers aren't sabotaging the Mach 5, Speed lives in fear that Trixie will radio him and say "Speed, watch out! There are oil slicks all over the track!" Diddy Kong fares no better. The oil slick has camouflaged itself in a pretty green balloon — waiting for just the right moment to strike and cause that poor, sweet monkey to spin out of control. It matters not whether a racer is famous or unnamed. Boot up Rareware's RC Pro Am for the NES, and within minutes your 8-bit truck will have spun in more circles and ran into more walls than you can count. Thank…

Serwis w budowie (idea)

2006-02-25T17:24:49Z

Literally meaning, "Service in structure," "Serwis w budowie" is the Polish text-only equivalent of those annoying "this site under construction" animated gifs that are so prevalent on GeoCities sites run by teens and tweens. So, what does it mean? Why should I care? Is e2 doomed? Is there pie later? No, really, I was told there would be pie.

To the average noder, "Serwis w budowie" is one more of e2's many quirks. It's like that dog you had when you were growing up that sniffed the crotch of everyone who came over. You were embarassed and frustrated as it happened, but you look back on it now and laugh. Or cry. Something; the point is that sometimes e2 gets scared or confused or both and does things that don't seem to make sense. This is one of those things. You point your browser at http://www.everything2.com/index.pl and everything is going great so far. E2's loving earth tones welcome you back;…

Penny Arcade (thing)

2006-02-24T18:14:15Z

This site lacks wang. Let's go back to...PENNY ARCADE.

What is it?
Penny Arcade is an online comic strip that is updated three times a week (Monday, Wednesday, and Friday). It's more than that, but online comic strip is as good a place as any to start. It's not like Peanuts or MegaTokyo. Penny Arcade is, in my opinion, funny, absurd, vulgar, and centered around video games. Although it isn't always the case, Penny Arcade lacks any sort of coherent plot or continuity. Most strips are an entity unto themselves.

An old ad claimed that Penny Arcade is "better than User Friendly," which is sort of like saying apples are better than carburetors. Penny Arcade is about games, and User Friendly is about IT professionals and programmers.

Most strips make much more sense when they are viewed…