Uberbanana's New Writeups

Ne'er To Be Wed (poetry)

2009-12-05T13:17:31Z

A pretty young lass, she came to me;
said take me away from my father.
My sweet boy, I long to live free.
I can stay here ne'er longer.

If you would but take me to foreign shores,
Gratefully, I take you to my bed.
But make no mind I'll ever be yours,
For I would ne'er to be wed.

So, I took the girl along with me.
No more the life of a farmer.
From forest to valley we wondered free.
Welcomed no danger to harm her.

Then came a claim to the hand of hers;
she turned her eyes toward me.
Though he was the son of wealthy stores;
we hung from the willow tree.

Days went by and seasons went round;
we took leave from no other.
But when soldiers, two riders they found;
iron clasped me and my lover.

Rope rings for the lass and me.…

Nothing seems real until it touches you (fiction)

2009-02-20T08:54:04Z

The smell got to me first.

Almost like a mesquite roast with a honey glaze. It was a cooking fire after all. Charnel scented with burnt timber, a clump of caramelized sugar and flour melting onto the granite top.

If I didn't know where I was, if I hadn't lived here but three hours ago, I would be apathetic to the blackened, smoky vista I now inhabited. Nothing seems real until it touches you.

Chemical, electrical, kinetic, it was too soon to tell the exact source of the event that took my life away from me. Had it been an accident or on purpose? I don't know. Was it the personal deed of a tired and pained person, or was it the impassioned act of some angry other? I couldn't tell. I'm not sure if I truly want to understand the answers to these questions. Answers would define the event forever, but mystery could always leave me with hope that my darker thoughts are false.…

munchkin (thing)

2009-02-14T10:16:14Z

Munchkin, like Nekojin said, is hilarious, ridiculous fun. However it seems to have...exploded somewhat.

The original Munchkin was intended as a parody of D&D, which it does splendidly with so many jabs at the players and makers of the game that anyone with even a passing knowledge of a vague concept of what D&D could possibly be about would have a wonderful time laughing at/with this easy to learn game. But on top of that there are so many obscure references to old rules, monsters, and odd anecdotes from the community that the seasoned D&D veteran will still have as much, if not more, fun. And more is being added constantly. As of this writing Munchkin has 7 expansions (make that 8¹...or rather 10²) each adding new content to the game.

But Wait, There's More!

Since its original inception, the Munchkin card game has sprouted out to lampoon many other…

Briefcase Full of Souls - Part II (person)

2008-09-20T11:17:39Z

Chapter Two

"Gabriel... I think that when she killed herself, your wife was pregnant."

Gabriel’s eyes widened and his jaw clenched.

“Gabriel?” Bastiaan called over the phone.

Gabriel’s hand squeezed the phone tightly till his knuckles went white.

“You still there, mon?”

The phone surrendered a squeal as the plastic gave way, and the inner circuits cracked under the pressure of Gabriel’s loss.

It was not anger, nor grief that Gabriel felt at that moment. He had slid past those instantly. He felt his skin tighten and all of his organs pull into a vacuum inside his chest. His thoughts became focused as a razor-sharp clarity overcame his mind.

Gabriel went straight to the airport and bought a ticket for the first flight to New…

The Purple People Eater (fiction)

2008-08-16T07:08:10Z

The following is intended to be an earplay.

Operator: 911. What is the nature of your emergency?

Alfred: The-there's something in my house.

Operator: Can you be more specific?

Alfred: There's something in my house, and I want it gone!

Operator: Alright, sir. Could you tell me your name?

Alfred: My name is Alfred Whinstein, and I live at 562 Diego St.

Operator: Alfred, do you need police assistance?

Alfred: Yes! Police! Yes! Anything!

Operator: Are you in danger?

Alfred: Yes! Damnit, send someone over here now!

Operator: Alright, Alfred, I'm going to need you to speak calmly so I can get the information to police dispatch. Someone is on…

I'm Going to Go Back There Someday (thing)

2008-08-10T06:46:27Z

This looks familiar, vaguely familiar,
Almost unreal, yet, it's too soon to feel yet.
Close to my soul, and yet so far away.
I'm going to go back there someday.

Written by Kenny Ascher and Paul Williams, and performed by The Great Gonzo, originally appearing in The Muppet Movie, this song IMHO is the spiritual opposite of "The Rainbow Connection" which appears earlier in the film.

Sun rises, night falls, sometimes the sky calls.
Is that a song there, and do I belong there?
I've never been there, but I know the way.
I'm going to go back there someday.

The scene where this song is sung, is at night in the desert in the middle of nowhere. The Muppets' car has broken down beyond their ability to repair it, and things are looking bleak. Sitting around a campfire Rowlf starts playing a tune on…