Heisenberg's New Writeups

How Iwhosawtheface (almost certainly) lost 100 dollars (event)

2009-05-09T16:42:27Z

...or how Iwhosawtheface restored my faith in Americans, Everything2 and humanity.

On a pleasant afternoon in May, the best girlfriend and I were sitting in the bar of a lovely hotel on the east coast of the United States of America when a good looking gentleman arrived and introduced himself as the abovementioned noder. When he met us that evening he didn't know yet that 3 years later it will be very likely that he will be 100 dollars poorer, but let's start from the beginning:

Shortly after the election of Barack Hussein Obama it was clear to me that I should visit the U.S. again after refusing to do so for the last eight years. A nation that had turned into one of the most despised countries on earth was suddenly awash again with the planet's goodwill, and I wanted to check out how the natives were coping with it all. So on a beautiful day in April, the best girlfriend and I boarded a rickety old 747 and let British Airways fly us all the way to Boston, MA to start our…

Electronica, Deep House and Soy: The London Boozemonkeys welcome mkb. (event)

2008-09-04T09:21:13Z

A welcome opportunity to sample the seedier parts of London's East

Some weeks ago mkb, E2's very own inhouse DJ and purveyor of avantgarde electronic music, announced with increasing inaccuracy that he would be visiting the world's capital, London. For those of us working and/or living in Boris's fiefdom, this is a good opportunity to showcase the best of our lovely pubs.

So we wouldn't just drag mkb in any old boozer, I went pubscouting last night around the previously walled in City of London. After fits and starts and some terribly pretentious places full of plonkers I finally found the right place, tucked away in a small street around Spitalfields.

So, if you're around, join mkb, the boozemonkeys and myself for an evening of real ales, Pimms and happy debauchery on

Wednesday, 17.9.08, 19:00

at the Waterpoet

9-11 Folgate Street

London…

Granuloma Annulare (thing)

2008-08-28T11:38:00Z

Harmless, but ultimately annoying skin disease

Granuloma Annulare is a common, harmless, but cosmetically disfiguring skin problem that affects women about 3 times as much as men and most commonly strikes in patients under thirty. It can affect every part of the skin and often appears in more than one location (in the disseminated type) but very rarely appears on faces. Most of the time the upper extremities, especially the hands are affected. It is self-limiting and often will disappear within two years, but has been known to hang around in rare cases for up to ten years.

Due to its characteristic pattern it is rather easy to diagnose: it starts of as a ring of small, mildly reddish-brown firm papules that slowly but surely grows. After some time the centre of said ring will start to sink a bit and become more discoloured, giving the whole affair the classic look of a teacup. Shape and size may vary, but, depending on the location of the lesion it can grow to 5 cm diameter.…

Curtis-Fitz-Hugh Syndrome (thing)

2008-08-19T13:50:22Z

Another really nasty reason to use that condom.

I am a firm believer in safe sex. Safe sex as in

As long as your new partner doesn't wave a recent 'all-clear' report from his/her GP in front of your face there will be no nookie. No. None. Not even some quick oral sex.

"Why's that then, Heisey?" I hear the more innocent yell?

I tell you why: Curtis-Fitz-Hugh Perihepatitis. That's a pretty big reason.

For those of you who aren't aware of this juicy little morsel of genito-urinary medicine, it's an infection of the outer capsule of your liver and sometimes even your diaphragm, caused by those two common little lovebugs Chlamydia Trachomatis and Neisseria Gonorrhoeae. Neisseria is of course the causative agent of what is endearingly termed "the clap", while every 13 year old schoolgirl in the western world by now knows that Chlamydia is not a flower. The main symptoms are right upper quadrant pain and a good going fever.

…

Dahon Speed D7 (thing)

2008-08-07T17:04:54Z

Entry Level Commuter Bike for Origami Fans

As I have recently moved to Essex and restarted to work in the East End of London, I decided to finally do something for my ever expanding waistline and save some serious money.

A win-win situation? You bet!

So, how was I able to accomplish this amazing feat? I bought a Dahon Speed D7 folding bike. Before making the acquisition, I checked out the numerous cycling forums (of which there are literally thousands), compared prices (from 100 pounds to 2000 pounds) and models (and if you think that nerds could be easily drawn into fisticuffs discussing Windows, OpenBSD and Linux then you should see the level of passion that users of Bromptons, Dahons and Birdies can get themselves into).

With other words, it's not easy being a first time folding bike buyer.

After pondering the issue for 2 months I decided on the Dahon Speed D7. The bike offered the best mixture of price, compactness, weight, quality and…

Qaqortoq: Chapter II (fiction)

2008-07-28T11:34:54Z

"When you have gone so far that you can't manage one more step, then you've gone half the distance that you're capable of".

(Greenland proverb)

Sometimes life is just bliss. For some unusual reason fate's intricate mechanisms can just click into just the right rhythm and transport its lucky passengers along a road littered with opportunities, lucky breaks and streaks of luck. When the sun rose over the Atlantic on this beautiful day and a warm wind blew down from the mountains over the vast expanse of single storey houses that was modern Qaqortoq, a lot of very happy people started to wake up. Solar panels twinkled in the dusk and the air was enriched with a salty, fishy aroma. Since the temperature in south Greenland had reached a balmy average of 18 degrees and the permafrost was literally gone in an area twice the size of France, Qaqurtog had become the most desireable urban space in the whole of Europe, surpassing the heavily fortified Monaco and the…