Everything2 New Writeups

Drinks that promote sleep (thing)

2010-01-08T06:15:35Z

Wrap yourself in a snuggy. Failing that, a fleece blanket and your favorite gown.
The drink:
Take one teabag of Sleepytime extra and tension tamer tea. add to boiling water. steep for ten minutes or so. Curl over the insanely large mug. Sip, let the valerian spread through your veins like a fog.

Sweet dreams.

Slam Bradley (person)

2010-01-07T23:06:08Z

DC Comics scored its biggest successes with Superman in 1938 and Batman in '39, but these are not their oldest characters. The first member of their complex, shared universe was Dr. Occult (More Fun Comics #6, October 1935), while their longest-lasting detective is Sam Emerson "Slam" Bradley. Both were creations of the Man of Steel's parents, Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster. Slam showed up in the first issue of DC's Detective Comics (March 1937), a two-fisted, hard-drinking, chain-smoking gumshoe of the sort then popular in the pulps. Together with his cartoony, comical sidekick "Shorty" Morgan, he punched and wisecracked his way through adventures, duking it out with racketeers, hoodlums, and (regrettably) Yellow Peril-inspired Asian hordes.

Early stories put the pair in Seigel and Shuster's hometown of Cleveland, Ohio, but they quickly relocated to New York City.¹ Slam also turned up for World's Fair Comics…

Cunt (review)

2010-01-07T22:01:10Z

Ah yes... Cunt, by Florian Himsl and Edmund McMillen, the shmup we all feared would exist one day. Either it's a puerile heap of borderline misogynistic pap, if you're a humourless killjoy prude, or, if you are, like me, a cunt, it's a work of brutal, depraved, demented, genius. Take your pick. I know which side of the fence I'd plump for (hint: the one that doesn't have frothers shouting "ban this sick filth" on it).

It works something like this - you control a floating disembodied penis that shoots bullets out its bell end and that is in orbit around a disembodied, planet-like anthropomorphic vagina. Your job is to shoot your bolts into the opening of same, which causes damage to it, and which, if you sling enough spooge up there, causes it to explode, which brings you to the next level. However, beware, for this is no querulous and quiescent quim, but a fierce fanny of forbidding fury which summons increasingly nasty…

hypothermia (personal)

2010-01-07T20:25:50Z

You've all heard the old warnings from doctors and survival experts; stay bundled and keep warm, even when you're sweating in the winter, because once hypothermia starts taking hold, it's too late. And I'm sure you've seen National Geographic specials and stories from Everest about people going delirious with hypothermia, taking off their clothes and such, totally oblivious to their surroundings.

"That's Dumb", you think. "I wouldn't do that. If I were getting hypothermia I would do this, this and this, checklist completed, death averted. Done." And if you've never had hypothermia, that is an absolutely understandable sentiment; the idea that, were you presented with almost insurmountable environmental challenges, you would have the brains, the wherewithal, to persevere and succeed. And maybe you would. But don't count on it.

On Dec. 26th, 1995, I went out with my dad for our daily, hours-long…

The History of Mars (fiction)

2010-01-07T18:42:01Z

For as long as anyone can remember, Earth has been a starving cesspool of devastation. It didn't used to be that way. It used to be the sparkling blue gem of the solar system. The only planet fortunate enough to hold water. Around the turn of the 21st century though, overpopulation, war, and pollution turned Earth into a testament of mankind's failures.

This forced science into a new direction. No longer working to save what they had left, mankind began developing new technologies for space-flight, terraforming, and colonization. The people of Earth set their sights on Mars. The plan was to mobilize a fleet of spacecrafts capable of the long distance travel to Mars, terraform the surface to give the people breathable air, and begin anew. Under the direction of Admiral Fox Slater, the Space Development Fleet began procedures for the colonization of Mars. Terraforming took twenty years, but the project was a success. Cities were built, governments were…

the gray man (person)

2010-01-07T17:59:16Z

It was a hot one. A scorcher, and the man was sort of gray. The grandfather they assumed, at 61 the gray man looked every bit of 81; some remembered a package on the seat beside him. Some said could've been a present.

What everyone remembered was the girl.

Pretty white dress and white lace anklets. Fidgety, and turning in her seat, know-what, she said, first to one and then another; I'm-going-to-a-party-birthday-party-this-is-my-first-time-on-the-train.

The porter called, Westchester, and the gray man was certain someone would remember, at the station when he tried to take her hand and the little girl ran away.

Heart racing, handkerchief dabbing beads of sweat, for a moment he was certain they all knew.

Until a tiny finger poked him in the back; know-what, she said, you-forgot-you-left-the-present-on-the-train. She giggled and she beamed and she held the package out to him so proud that she remembered, she could just…

Saturn Devouring His Children (poetry)

2010-01-07T17:00:02Z

He dreamt the beloved    clamor silenced.
New hands and recent    hearts returned to meat
slow ripened fingers    and eyes canceled.
Hard the climb to daylight.    So easy the fall,

so simple:    they had been    they were not.
The world twisting    a snake cut in half
with some idiot    unsignifying knife.

There is a wolf in fathers     a twin a soap opera
double a soap bubble     in a soap bubble.
He brings the daughters    to the forest he knows
where Time eats all children.

I was that snarl the knot the not inside him…

Rules for tripping on hallucinogenic drugs (how-to)

2010-01-07T15:59:51Z

Tripping on a hallucinogenic drug is not something done lightly, mostly because of the great cost, logistics, and possible legal difficulties involved. If you wish to arrange some tripping, there are several things that must go along with it.

First, pick your hallucinogen. The ideal hallucinogen is something potent, slippery, yet cheap enough to be able to slather on the floor. It should also not have a smell or texture that would alert someone to the possibility that they are going to step in something that will make their life less frictional for a second or so. LSD is not a good thing to trip in. Do you know what the viscosity and lubrication abilities of LSD are? Neither do I, or anyone else, because since a milligram quantity is considered enormous, most people don't have enough to throw on the floor. Better suggestions for hallucinogens to trip on are marijuana butter, ground up San Pedro Cactus, or maybe a bottle of Robitussin spilled on the floor. Maybe a

…

you realize death means nothing (log)

2010-01-07T09:21:49Z

i opened my eyes

fourteen branches above him, the bark gnarled and peeling
something smelled of steel and blood, the taste in his mouth affirmed the second

god damn why did I have to forget

he rose on his right arm, a twinge of numbness rippled through his fingers and into his gut
the tree he lay at the base of was swaying in a morbidly quiet field

a black bird, smaller than a raven, balanced keenly on the lowest branch
its black eyes examining the broken man below- hollowed bones creaked and snapped as the bird opened its jaw, warning

again? That was no place for a bird

gripping the bark, he rose: glancing about, searching, he resolved to use the
tree to prop himself up. His legs weren't in working order yet, nor were his
eyes. He grimaced and exhaled

the small bird hopped toward the trunk of the tree, cocking its head sideways, skyward. there was no sun here, only a solid…

comma splice (person)

2010-01-07T07:57:43Z

You can't fight ideas with bullets, I said, but he tried anyway.

}i?! f;e:lt.th:e c,law.s:in.my.mind, immediately
falling through eons of nothing

when i died, i fell through the extra layers fast

(later i was told i had built up a lot of karma —

when you have a lot of space, you tend to accumulate possessions)

THE FEELING OF RETURNING TO THE GEL WAS ..:.,:.:;!?{

like hitting the bottom of the ocean at 1000kph
waking in your own body a million years hence

and when you look around through clouds of disturbed silt

you feel small, you…

Habanera (thing)

2010-01-07T03:39:10Z

The habanera is a type of folk music popular in Cuba in the mid-1800s. It is quite catchy, and it was imported to Spain in 1875, where it became very popular for a couple of decades. This is where the name habanera actually comes from, danza habanera being Spanish for 'dance of Havana'. (The Cubans had simply considered it a form of contradanza, and had not considered it worthy of separate label).

Of course, most of us don't know this. In most English-speaking counties 'Habanera' refers to the Habanera Aria, AKA L'amour est un oiseau rebelle, from Georges Bizet's 1875 opera Carmen. If you don't recognize the piece (I guarantee that you know it, even if you don't recognize the name), you can hear it here, or if you prefer your classical music a capella and sung by Muppets, here.

Of course, there are other habaneras. The distinguishing…

Good ways to relieve menstrual cramping (person)

2010-01-07T01:29:36Z

I'm 15 and have had my period for about 3 years. During this time, I've discovered a few helpful ways to ease the pain caused by this monthly 'gift'.
(These work for me, but everyone is different):

Bananas- Bananas are high in potassium, which can ease muscle contractions and relax the body.

The Fetal Position- this usually takes a few minutes to work

Pressure- putting pressure directly on the pain areas helps a lot. When the pain is in my lower back, I use the tips of my fingers to try and roll it away. When it's in my stomach and hip region, I use my knuckles.

Heat- heating pads, warm towels, etc.

Exercise- it may sound strange, but it works. Stretching or yoga works best. It may cause some severe momentary pain, but it helps to keep the cramps from returning.

Breathing deeply- hyperventilating and short, ragged breathing causes muscles to contract and makes cramps worse. Take slow, calm breaths and try to steady your heartbeat.

Staying…

Valors Villainy (thing)

2010-01-07T00:09:58Z

Valor's Villainy is an online video project first developed in late 2009. It started when the team of Sid Broderius and Aldus Valor decided to become arch enemies. Originally the show was called "The adventures of Skitchman"

PLOT
The show follows the antics of the struggling supervillain Col. Aldus Valor. Valor has no real hatred towards anyone who would be considered an arch enemy, rather hates his nemeses in an official capacity, requiring them to file paperwork with The Guild of Calamitous Intent.

He is served by a small handful of lieutenants. The first of which is Lt. Bishop. Bishop is a legendary (because he's good at his job) henchman who is never seen on camera because he is always working. The other two, slightly less competent lieutenants under Valor's command are Lt. Knight and Lt. Rook, played by Kyle McMasters and…

Good enough is good enough (poetry)

2010-01-06T22:49:06Z

Since I stuck my head out of the rebel sea
It's gotten hard to hear the beat of my heart
An unnerving, but not unwelcome
A restful feeling with a hint of dread

I hear more, first of all
And also the ambient queues
Are admittedly much better
At conducting a harmonious beat

When it was checked
I suspected a conspiracy against my manhood
But we've joined forces now
To conspire for my Mensch-hood

Can't you just fall in love with me already? (idea)

2010-01-06T21:08:23Z

I cannot be perfect. It is quite frustrating, because if I am not perfect you can't love me. You see, I know how to be your version of perfect. You have been kind enough to be honest and so I know.

1. I need to be smiling. You know I look better when I smile and I know it too. When I am smiling my facial structure is completely different and it makes me kind of pretty.

2. I need to be well groomed. It won't do to have messy hair if we run into one of your friends. It is not even good for you to see me messy. I have always been a tomboy and now I need to be a sexy vixen. This is an issue, because no one ever taught me how to do that. I notice that appearances seem important to you, and I want to help you keep them up. Don't worry though, I read some stuff on the internet.

3. I need to be rich. When we get low on money it makes you frustrated and grumpy. When I have cash to spoil you, we are both much happier. I like to do it anyway you know.

4. I need to…

Austerity (thing)

2010-01-06T19:41:13Z

In the modern welfare state, austerity measures are what the government does when it basically runs out of money. Of course it's not limited to welfare spending, austerity-based cuts could be made in anything the government used to spend money on. (Then again, some people claim that anything the government spends money on is welfare.)

This is the key thing to do when you control the government: borrow as much as you can from the bankers, doesn't really matter what the terms are, as long as it's not so outrageous that your countrymen kick you out.

Then spend that money in whatever way you want, preferably in ways that favor the rich, such as union busting, undermining labor movements around the world, making the world safe for "pro-business" (ie. pro-exploitation) governments, bailing out institutions of the rich.

Finally, now that all the money is spent, get the poor in your country to…

Birkenstock (thing)

2010-01-06T16:19:40Z

Typically people shop for shoes from the top down however educated Birkenstock fans recognize that one of the most important (and frequently neglected) components of a shoe is the support inside of the shoe. When you stick your hand (or foot) into a Birkenstock you will notice that the shoe has several unique contours. Most people are familiar with the medial arch of the foot. This arch is the most prominent one and is typically easily viewed unless people have extremely flat feet. Along with the medial arch the transverse, metatarsal and lateral arches are being used to propel you. Your foot was designed to move, shoes that give your foot the correct degree of support and offers your feet access to freedom of movement will be some of the best and most comfortable footwear you can buy.

Shoes are designed to protect and support you and your feet. Your body weight rests on a relatively small portion of your body and…

Dick Morris (person)

2010-01-06T13:42:50Z

Dick Morris is a bizarre little man who has been a consultant and strategist for both American political parties. He was born in 1948 and came of age as a student working in the 1968 and 1972 elections, and initially was influenced by the Democratic Party of the time. He also worked for Bill Clinton on his campaigns for governor of Arkansas, but later seemed to lose any party affiliation for his work. After working for various figures throughout the 1980s, he was brought back into the Clinton administration, in large part to turn Clinton into a more moderate figure. Although Clinton was already prone to pandering to public opinion, it was probably Dick Morris who was most responsible for his reputation of writing his speeches to whatever the opinion polls of the day dictated. Morris' influence collapsed virtually overnight due to a scandal with a prostitute during the 1996 Presidential convention.

After…

Color a Dinosaur (review)

2010-01-06T11:35:30Z

Color a Dinosaur was a cartridge developed for the Nintendo Entertainment System. It was not, as most cartridges designed for the Nintendo were, a game. The cartridge was exactly what its name suggested: an electronic coloring book, where the player(?) could select one of several cartoonish dinosaurs, and then color it in by selecting some bright primary colors.

And that is it.

While it is good that someone should try to develop a way to use the Nintendo that is not a violent or competitive game, this is simply not it. There is nothing that this cartridge doesn't do that a coloring book and a box of crayons couldn't do. Considering the totally involving, and yes, imaginative world that could be packed onto a NES cartridge such as The Legend of Zelda, the idea of someone actually buying an electronic coloring book is somewhat ridiculous.

I suppose with enough marijuana, some hipsters might be able to get ironic fun out of this. But much like Def Leppard and Taco Bell, there are some things that not even irony can improve.